Over 400 children have been killed and as many again arrested as terrorists, then tortured, so the United Nations has called an emergency meeting of interested parties to outline a plan of action and establish what has been done so far. The Post’s foreign editor disguised himself a bowl of roses and sat in the middle of the table to capture what was happening. He reports:
The chairman began by saying that over ten thousand ordinary civilians had been murdered, and that rape and torture was now a very common thing within the Syrian Army. He sked for the thoughts of the assembly.
The Australian representative was first off the mark as he came in before Azerbaijan and Austria.
“I met the Syrian ambassador in Sydney and looked pointedly at him while he was explaining that the stories of thousands of civilians was just media speculation. As to the torture of children he produced a photograph of his own children and asked was it likely when the Syrian authorities are all strong family men. I looked coldly at him again and nodded stiffly. He got the message that the Australian government was multipissed.
The French representative interjected, “You should have done what we did – the pointed looks, yes, but we also clear our throats menacingly. And when he told me that the Syrian children were actually being murdered by George Bush I coolly cleared my throat again. Twice. Then he crept away like a whipped dog.”
The Russian ambassador indicated that the Kremlin were concerned about the murders and rapes and torture being perpetrated by the Syrian army and explained that when he called in the Syrian ambassador, he stared at the ceiling throughour the syrian explanation then tellingly looked at the door. He regretted he could do no more as he had a conflict of interest, namely that Russia was selling them the weapons.
Britain apologised and explained that Her Majesty was holding her Diamond Jubilee this year and sincerely desired a peaceful solution or, if not, that the causalities be limited to say no more than 20,000. Accordingly the most they could do to show displeasure at the outrages was to serve the ambassador with lukewarm tea.
The United States representative informed the group that his orders came direct from President Obama. Strong action would be taken as soon as the polls showed that there was a substantial majority of voters prepared to join a joint peace keeping force to protect the innocent civilians and wipe the floor with the rest. The president was handicapped by the fact that Romney had not yet declared what he would do so that the President would then denounce it and do the opposite.
The majority of the attendees indicated that they had written very cold letters to the President of Syria and several had left off the stamps which meant he had to pay for postage himself.They all agreed that sanctions would not work as the Syrians had bugger all trade anyway.
The Chairman brought the meeting to a close by suggesting that everyone had done as much as possible and that there was no more to be done except perhaps uniting in a joint letter to Syria expressing sadness and disappointment.
“That will show him that we are taking this seriously,” he finished.